“Kill your darlings, that’s what it is called.”
“I’m not killing my pets.”
“No, I mean… it’s a writing thing.”
“You don’t kill people with writing.”
“There is a whole debate about that.”
If you have been in the writing world for any time you might have heard the term “kill your darlings”. I first read it in Stephen King’s On Writing (which if you don’t have, please get) and at the time, I did what I usually did with books on writing. I glossed over it and kept going. But as my writing progressed and so did I, I began to recognize what it was and what it wasn’t. And I also discovered the hoopla online about it.
Now, everyone has their beliefs about the term. One person says it is about your grammar preferences, another for your love for putting adverbs everywhere, and yet another might be about favourite characters. Which is all what you should be looking into. But that isn’t it for me.
Here’s what I mean about killing your darlings
Kill your darlings was always to me a matter of not to be mother hen protective over your writing. When you are writing, you will build a place that you become intimate with. You’ll write a paragraph that (at the time) feels like the perfect paragraph; Tolstoy and Kafka would envy your brilliance. A perfect side character appears in one chapter that becomes your centrepiece. Meanwhile this one way of wording your character’s name makes them unique. You tell the story in reverse prose and iambic pentameter. You…likely get the point.
We all write in our own ways, trying hard to produce something great. And we have our moments of ego that flicker onto the page.
Story time
I once helped a friend edit a story. It was good and I enjoyed his writing. Until three quarters of the way when a new character was introduced. That in itself isn’t an issue but the character was so clearly a wish fulfillment-insert that it threw me off. In a sea of strong characters, he was ‘perfect’ and took care of every problem.
But try as the writer might, he never read as a wise choice or a reason to keep around in the first place.
We had a lively discussion in which the writer stopped talking to me for a bit until he came back and asked why I thought that. When I told him to just take out references to the character in one chapter, to see if it changed anything, he discovered that the character didn’t. He wasn’t needed and in a book that needed tight writing, the character was dead weight.
Don’t get defensive
If you are writing and get to editing, and you read something that there is ‘a darling’, you likely won’t recognize it at all. Something might bug you about the character or scene but you will know something is up when you start making excuses to keep that part in. A long monologue, for example, you might wrap up in the excuse of “necessary to tell the reader about things” but you need to look at it as “will they be bored and won’t they find this out through the story exposition?”
It is so, so easy to fall in love with what we do. Writers are like any artist. We do it with love and other emotions, with a burning need to do it. Writing a book or short story is like falling in love with all the ups and downs and the lingering warmth that something worthwhile must be there. So we fall in love and like most people that fall in love, we sometimes forgive our love for any flaws they might have and defend them against any who say we shouldn’t.
All about Me, Me, Me
I used to fall in love with my writing, and used to get so defensive over my writing. This nonsense went on for some time as I learned technique and method, improved, but it wasn’t just me who had to put up with defensiveness. When a mentor called me out on getting defensive over a pretty shitty paragraph, I knew (grudgingly) that I had to change in my approach. It is why when I edit anything I write I do so after at least two to four weeks of it being finished. I started other things, I wrote poetry, I made graphics. Finally, I would unlock that drawer and start reading.
Here is what I learned:
Distance does make the heart grow fonder but it also sharpens the knife when it is time to kill your darlings.
You are right to be emotional over your book. It is part of your mind and came out of your fingers. It lies on pages of type and lettering like a tribute to your hard work. But being so touchy that you have parts you 100% refuse to even think about changing can quickly become you refusing to edit any of your work. And that is so annoying for editors and readers to deal with.
Tips to Kill Your Darlings
Since a few tips might help those in need, here’s my suggestions to avoid being precious about your work. To being willing to kill your darlings.
- Distance yourself from your work: Take a break before editing or have someone else read it.
- Focus on one aspect at a time: Edit for clarity, grammar, and style separately.
- Use a checklist: Create a checklist of common editing issues to guide your process.
- Get feedback from others: Ask trusted readers for their input.
- Be willing to make tough decisions: Sometimes, you need to cut out favourite lines or scenes.
So with those tips comes the larger issue. You need to get over killing your darlings or coping with criticism. I have to, I still have. This is an ongoing process. I remember this meme not only because it makes me snort laugh but man, is it accurate.
The Truth of It is…
You cannot escape others’ criticism. You need to both toughen up but also be sensitive. In your story, you have this gorgeous monologue like Julius Caesar orating? Super. But your beta readers and editor go “uh…can you chop that? It kinda drags” and you ignore them because “my art though” ignores the fact that while yes, you do know your writing best, you are also wanting others to see it as you do. You may leave something that is the part that makes people toss the book aside or your editor may give up on working with you.
Criticism happens and it is unpleasant. I hate it too. My brain makes it worse than it is. So, acknowledge you hate how it feels. Remind yourself that this is part of being a writer: you have to let your story evolve and your writing get better.
Edit your book yourself first after a bit of time, and take note of all your favourite scenes, parts, and characters in a separate file. Then send it on to either an editor or a friend who has qualification to edit your book. They might not have any problems or they might find some darlings. Ultimately, editors can’t make you move them out of the story (until you get into traditional publishing) so you will have the final word. You will need to be willing to make the tough choices.
That’s what being a writer is. It is a tough job sometimes but when you want to be a writer, you have to be willing to make those choices.
Go forth, unafraid, and make your story the best it can be.